K154H K4M1: June 2015

Moments...

I still remember
First time I met you
You're a little bit arrogant at that time
But has a beauty of an angel
Much to a princess though
You sang in that audition
Not a professional
But they chosed you
Cuz you sang about something from your past
You did a little drama then
From a sad memory of yours
That I didn't know
All of it
Makes me fell for you

We met again
Four of us
You were studying Biology
Drawing diagrams
I taught Syida about Maths
And Aryn helped us in both
We had a little argument
Who's the better leader; men or women
I admit
You won
You got your points there
You're a determined girl
Never give up
But you had a problem or problems at that time
That I didn't know
Throughout that scene
It makes me fell for you
Even more and more

I broke your ruler
Man, I'm in trouble
Your blood boils a little
Forced me to replace it
I was totally felt sorry
Felt extremely guilty
I bought you 3 of it
To redeem my mistakes
We met at the bazaar
Cuz my little heart told me
'You'll meet her there'
I put all the three in my pocket
And gave them to you
You were in your red-white dress
And wore spectacle
Makes me startled a little bit
You looked like my Mom
You are beautiful
Like a person you wanna be
A young, beautiful princess
Makes me fell for you
Even more and stronger

We met again
At the park
By the lake
You played badminton
With Aryn, Syida
And your BFF
Nazren
Or so you call Ayen
I watched you play
Not bad
Then, you went to the monkey bar with Achu
Achu lifted you up
Gotta admit
You're a small, little girl
Made me worried a little though
And yes
I had a good instinct
You fell
I quickly rushed towards you
Just wanna make sure that you're okay
Then, Achu brought you the hut
I played Aryn's guitar
Your phone was there
When it rang
And the ringtone
SHINee - Hello
You knew them too?
But I was kinda curious
So I tested you
I waited until you came next to me
And then
I played Replay
Acoustically
You were surprised
You liked it
Yup, you do know SHINee
And it is one of your favourite K-Pop groups
I still remember
You said
You're denying on what people told you about me
Surprisingly speachless
You showed a picture of Izhar
One of you ex-BFs
He really looked like me
Almost the same eyes, face
It's okay
It's not me
By the way
You are such a cute
When you wore that nerdy spectacle
With your round eyes
And you made that cute baby face
Oh My Allah
If I only could do it
I'll hug you tightly
Kiss you
Pinch your chubby cheeks
And tell you that
"You're so cute and I love you dearly"
But I can't
But seeing you
Watching you smiling
Makes me fell for you
Even more and dearly

I didn't remember much
The moment
You asked for my phone number
Oh my
What does it means?
I thought she asked my number
Because she liked me
But that will never happen
But still
I like you
I fell for you
Even more, never stop

You invited me
Took part in a musical sketch
4 of us
Making a drama
A romantic comedy
But more to a laughing
Meeting venue : squash hall
More to our 'port' to hang out
Discussing, choosing characters
I'm the hero
And I'm in the cloud nine
Cuz you're the heroin
We practiced
And I had to stare into your beautiful, blinking and shining eyes
Makes me melted and nervous
I was shaking like earthquake
When you came close to me
Sang to me
Said it to me
Felt like we were the only two on Earth
Syida and Aryn were still there though
But I was happy
Makes me fell for you
So dearly and much more

We won
Unexpectedly excited
We are now called ourselves
"The Cappuccino Family"
With our theme song
Created by me and Aryn
"The Cappuccino Song"
Quite weird
But unique
Bcuz we came from different 'worlds'
Our sketch gets better and better
And it was the best on that day
I sang to you
'I think I'm in love with you'
'I think I wanna be with you'
Actually
I am in love with you
And I do wanna be with you
I really do
But I found out
Aryn likes you
It's not that I don't want to compete with him
But he knows you better than I do
Besides, he's one of our family
Oh well
It's my curse
Always be that damn curse
But still
I fell for you
Never stop
Never give up

We always met each other
Every evening
Every night
I get to see you everyday
Smiled at me
Laughed with me
Having fun together
I always try to find and do something
Just to see that smile of yours
But then
That's all I can do
I can't do more
I'll let Aryn to win your heart
Well then
Switching to my second mode
- Waiting
I'll wait for you

Merdeka, Merdeka, Merdeka
Most of the people were involved
Singing,
Acting,
Dancing,
And even jamming
All 4 of us were involved too
I still remember
The person that should play the 'Hubby' character
He didn't showed up
You asked me
Replace him for a while
Ya Allah
Only He knows how happy I am
But I was too nervous
You called me
'Honey!'
. . . . . . .
Speechless
Nervous
Worst-but-best part was
I had to call you
'Sayang!'
'Baby!'
. . . . . .
But technically
We didn't said it for real
It was a silent drama
Others did the talking
Even so
How I really, really wish
I can call you that
I really mean it if I called you that
But it was just a child's silly wishes
Never granted
Never will
I'll keep on waiting
I'll wait for you

KAKOM Fever
Everyone had been infected by it
Even me
Although I didn't involved in it
But you did
And so did Syida and Aryn
Aryn had this dancing performance
You and Syida were the volunteers for the grand event
And me
Just wanna enjoy
And watch you, of course
Stare at you
And you love Replay
My favourite song
And dance
Man, I can see Aryn was jealous
That's why he learned it too
I sang the song
I danced
I presented it to you
You liked it
You smiled
Never forget
Your eyes
Shining and glittering
But I hope
I can see, feel and keep
Your heart
Be with me
Until then
I'll sing and dance
For you
And above all
I'll wait for you

Flashback
Still fresh
26th September, Thursday
You were in your purple dress
We went to the ATM
I brought you
By the hall
I gave back your necklace
You mumbled about your necklace
You were unaware
Then
I kissed you
Your left cheek
I noticed
You freezed
I ran
I left you
I'm sorry
I love you
So dearly
But I only can love you from distance
I was in the bus
Back to my hometown
When you called me
You saw me
I didn't
Keep looking but didn't find
Your voice
Music to my deafening ears
Melts my heart until now
The bus moved
I saw you
I wanna be with you
At that time
We were waving at each other
I missed you
I really do
I'll wait for you

I was sick
"He" came back
After all these time
I'm sorry
All of you have to see
The darkside of me
Still
I can see you
Hear you
Feel your presence
But can't control myself
Maybe
I waited for you
Too long, too painful
Eventhough I'm not
There was once
"He" came
We were at the OneStop Centre
"He" brought me to my room
You called
You tried to call me from the inside
You told "him" our moments
You cried
I heard it
I can't believe
You still remember
The moment at the bazaar
But I can't say anything
You talked with him
You cried
I'm sorry
I made you cry
Thank you for calling me out
I missed you
I'll always wait for you

It's been a while since I left this diary...
I can't continue...
Tears shed when recall...
Well,
I can't remember much...
My memories,
Fades off through time...
That's what makes me down...
Plus,
Problems, difficulties,
Came to me,
One after another...
And,
The one I adore the most,
She left me alone...
I've been warned,
By her man...
And he's my closest friend yet...
Apart from that,
My best buddy,
He's not by my side anymore...
Agonies by agonies, I felt...
But,
Come to think of it,
All this time,
I lived because of all of these sadness and loneliness...
This is my real life...
I guess,
Happiness doesn't suits my life, for now...
I have to be in this mood,
To continue my journey...
Walk with despair and alone inside me...
After all,
This is my gift,
This is my curse...
Who am I?
I'm nobody...
And I'm no one to anyone......

October's Tragedy...
A lot of moments,
In a single month,
Week, and even a day...
But I won't forget...
3rd of October, 2013...
The sweetest moment yet...
And I hope, it will be ever...
I've been dating with girls hundreds of times...
But I never date with a girl, without anyone else with us...
Just, the two of us...
That was my first time...
I was in the library, with Achu,
When I asked you for a date in the evening...
You said yes, and I was so thrilled...
But I was almost forgot,
There was a "mentor-mentee" session...
But luckily,
The session ended early...
I went to the 1stop center,
And we met there...
You're so pretty, as usual...
You're in your striking red dress...
We went for a walk, around KMJ...
And then, we stopped at the front gate...
I went to the ATM,
You followed...
Then, we had ice-creams!
It's on me...
Mr. Basiran was there too...
We talked, laughed...
And headed back to our date...
I talked about my dream...
Huhu... It was embarrassing...
But you seemed to used to it...
I don't mind...
In front of the library...
That was our last spot,
After an hour, walking around KMJ,
With giggles and laughs...
With no one around, teasing us...
Just the two of us...
I won't forget this moment...
Eventhough it seems like,
It's fading away from my mind...

Should I forget all of these and go on?
Ya Allah...
I've sinned to You a lot...
I accept Your vengeance towards me...
I deserve it...
Nur...
I'm sorry,
If ever made you cried,
Made you mad,
Which I did...
I'll try to accept the fact,
That you chosed Aryn over me...
I realized,
I'm no good for you,
And he's better than me...
I'm sorry,
For I have done wrong to you a lot...
I'm sorry.......

I really missed you...
I was forbidden to see you...
I'm sorry...
I really missed you so dearly...
But you don't miss me...
You already have him and it's enough for you...
You're happy...
I'm not...
That's okay...
At least, someone's happy...
I'm sorry, because I didn't took care of you as I should be...
And I can't take care of you anymore...
I've wasted my time...
I've wasted my time!
But at least,
You're in good condition...
You're happy, enjoyed, and had a good time,
With him...

I'm at the clinic,
Waiting for my queue...
1st time being here...
My queue number : 1124...
Ya Allah...
Ibu...
Hmmm...
I missed her...
Haven't seen her for months...
Ibu...
I'm alone... I'm lonely...
The girl I told you about,
She never liked me...
I really had hope on her...
I didn't asked much,
I just wanna be her closest friend...
At least,
That's what I want for now...
I've made her cry...
I've made her upset...
I'm sorry...
Ibu..............:'(

Good night, Nur...
I missed you so much...
But I can't say it to you...
Because it might hurt someone else,
Or you...
Good night...
Sleep tight...
Sweet dreams with your beloved family and friends...
And someone special in your heart..
Thank you, for everything...

6 January..
8.31 a.m.

Cough, flu,
And incoming one,
Fever...
Still in my room...
Coughing...
Irfan's still asleep...
I need to go to the clinic again...
Ugh...

26 October..

Woke up at 6,
Thanks to Nas..
"Subuh, Subuh.."
Wiped my dried tears..
Then I called you..
Waking you up..
Ya Allah..
It's been like a year..
Your sweet voice..
"Nur, Subuh2.."
Your sleepy voice,
Melted me..
But hmmm..
I don't deserve this..
Hmm..
I prayed,
I cried..
Ya Allah....:'(

You called me..
You woke me up..
Ya Allah..
I thank You..
Went to Munir's laptop,
Online, Facebook-ing..
I stalked your profile..
Posts, pictures..
I missed you..
Tears dropped..
I posted lyrics..
It's what I felt now..
Then I posted "Ku Masih"..
I wrote it by myself..
Again, I cried..
Then, you were online..
" Assalamualaikum.. Stalker! "
We were chatting..
I smiled..
My old smile..
I missed you..
I'll always wait for you......:')

Woke up at noon,
A message in my phone..
Achu..
She asked for her bag..
I brought it to her..
Just that, nothing much..
Took my bath,
And read some prayers after Zohor..
Faizal with me..
I don't feel like going out from my room..
Then, Achu texted me..
Asked me, where am I..
I said to Faizal,
I don't wanna go out..
Then, you called..
Asked me a favour,
Accompany Achu..
Man..
Hmmm..
Fine..
I'm going..

I walked..
Library,
1-Stop Center..
Achu weren't there..
Upset a little bit..
Achu's at DKB..
I went there,
When she walked towards me..
Why can't she stop walking?
I'm boiled a bit..
Continue reading Maths,
She asked to go to the mosque..
Okay then..
There,
Achu and I sat by a group..
Miss Jade were there..
She asked me Maths,
And I can't help..
" Miss Jade's there, ask her.."
She smiled, refused..
I just tried to help,
Up to you..
Hmmm..
Boils up more..

You were with Aryn,
At squash hall..
Achu, Faizal and I..
Went there..
But she went the other way..
At the hall,
I met Aryn..
You weren't there..
Faizal wanted to go for a walk..
" Achik, send my regards to Angah. I'm going for a walk with Faizal. "
Then, Achu arrived..
" Achu. Achu. "
Her headphones were too loud..
But somehow..
I know she heard me..
That's it!
" Rahsidah!! "
I've blow up..
I walked away,
Leave Faizal behind..
Full of anger..
' He ' came..
Making me angrier
Take a deep breath..
Try not listen to ' him '..
Try to stay calm..
Think of you..
I realised,
I haven't see you today..
Hmmm..
I missed you..

Anis texted me,
Through your phone..
I can tell,
It wasn't you..
I can feel it..
Besides,
The way she types,
Totally different..
I had class,
At Block E.. Hihihi..
I just want you, only you..
By my side..
Still feel mad about this evening..
I just want her apology,
That's all..
Although,
I do feel guilty,
For yelling at her..
I'm sorry, Achu..

I'm tiding up my clothes..
When you called..
I missed your voice..
Sweet, pampered, like-a-kid voice..

Eventhough just a few minutes,
But it means world to me..
I missed it..
I missed you..
You felt asleep..
You're cute..
I cried..
Didn't stop..
Slept at 4.........

I don't have any rights anymore,
To hear your voice,
To talk with you on the phone,
To have sweet moments with you,
To be with you,
To see into your eyes....
I missed you..
But the only thing I can do,
Is wait...
Painful,
Don't know when it's gonna end,
But my hands are tied..
I'll wait for you......
I'll wait.............. . . . . :'(

27 October....

11.45 a.m...
It's still 'morning'..
Missed calls from you..
Sorry..
I put my phone on silent mode..
Take my bath,
Wear my sweater..
Went out..

Anis, Achu and you..
Aryn weren't there..
That smile of yours..
Melts my heart..
Just like before..
Never change a bit..
I've made friend with Anis..
Alhamdulillah..
Truthfully,
I thought she hated me..
But I think it's gonna be okay..
I'm looking of making friends with Jiha, her another roommate..
I hope she's a fine, cheerful girl...
Anyway,
I get to sit next to you..
That smell of yours..
Still the same..
I get to see your eyes..
But just a few seconds..
Zohor arrives..
Three of you went to the mosque..
I sneaked into your phone,
Looking for pictures of you..
Sorry, my Angel..
Hehehe..
Aryn came..
Didn't noticed him at first..
And then, you arrived..
And my turn to pray..

We studied..
6 of us..
Including Nazren..
Anis left..
Rain falls..
Heavily..
Such an understanding..
But I try to smile..
Aryn came to me....
We continued studying..

Aryn took my phone..
Oh no..
Something's fishy..
And it really happened..
He's jealous.. Again..
He saw your name..
Man....
I should've see that coming..
And again,
He made you felt guilty,
Suffererd, felt terrible..
And worst,
He climbed on the roof..
What the hole??
Dude, what are you trying to do??
I can't see you like this, Nur..
I just can't..
. . . . . . . . . . . . .
Everything's getting calmer..
You talked with Naz,
I'm with Achu and Aryn..
Aryn asleep, I guess..
I gave him a little advice..
I went down,
Met you and Naz..
You cried..
I can't, hmmm...
Nur, please don't cry.... . . :'(

Back to normal..
Again,
I have to go..
I don't want it to happen again..
I invited Faizal..
" Let's eat! "
Sorry,
I have to leave you again..
Went to cafe,
There's not much food left..
Faizal pulled my hand,
" Just wait a little longer. There'll be food. "
" Hmmm. Okay then. We'll meet at 6. "
It's still rain..
And I went to the field..
Alone..
I cried..
Thinking about what happened..
To me,
To everyone,
To you..
I think about Ibu too..
Miss her..
Cry even more..
Achu called..
You were there..
Invited me for a meal..
I'm on my way..
With tears on my cheeks,
And rain pour over me..

" Let's eat together. "
I can't..
I don't wanna cry in front of them..
"Faizal is waiting for me. I'm sorry."
I took my rice,
And went away..
Thank you for the rice, Nur..
And thank you for everything..

Moments 2....

She said,
She missed me last night..
Or him..
Ugh..
Now,
I really hate that boy..
The other me..
Jealousy..
Hmmm..
But,
Eventhough she likes him more than me,
I don't mind..
I'm not going to change to change..
I'll just be me..
Boring, too-kind, old, me..
Hmmm..

29 January, Wednesday, 11.22 a.m..

She's leaving..
Everyone's leaving..
Mid-semester break..
I'll miss her so damn much..
Hmmm..
Will she miss me?
Allah knows more..
Hmmm..

2 February, Sunday, 1.10am..

From what I see,
She prefers bad boys..
I wanna make her happy..
I don't want her to get bored of me..
Come to think of it,
She did mentioned about him..
Maybe,
She misses him..
Hmmm..
It's hard for me..
But looks like..
I have to call him..
My family won't notice the difference..
He can accompany her,
Make her happy, excited..
Make her smiled..
Hmmm..
Nur..
You've been so nice to me..
You're a sweet girl..
I guess,
I'm not good enough for you..
Besides,
You do like bad boys, right..
Hope you'll be happy with him..
Ash..
Just,
Don't hurt her..
I'm begging you..
She's a nice person..
And yet,
She's the nicest girl I've ever met in my whole life..
Please, Ash..
Hmmm..
I know, you won't listen..
Hmmm..
You should be grateful, Ash
You have a secret admire..
Hmmm..
Please,
Take care of her,
And be nice to her..
I won't be back for,..
I'm not sure for how long..
Just,
Look after her while I'm gone..
Nur,
Thank you for everything..
I miss you..
I love you..

5 February, 10.50 am, Wednesday..

I'm home!
I've apologised to her for my absence..
She did get upset..
And she said she missed me..
I taught she had good times with him,
And didn't remember me..
I was wrong..
I should've listen to my heart..
Hmmm..
I'm sorry, my dear..
I didn't mean to make you cry..
Hmmm..
I'm at the court right now..
Waiting to pay my brother's summon..
Fira Atisya texted me..
And it's not her..
It's Nur..
Well..
You do know that I hate lies..
Hmmm..
I'm a little bit upset..
But I'm not gonna get mad at you..
I think,
I deserve this..
As a repay, for what I've done to you for the past three days..
Hmmm..
Besides,
At least,
You've tell me the truth..
You've being honest..
And you told,
Fira Atisya is a name of me and you..
It literally eases my heart..
I understand..
You tried to test me,
Whether I'm a loyal person or not..
Whether I've accepted you and love you sincerely..
I'm not blaming you for doing that..
Hmmm..
Although, I still feel upset..
Hmmm..

9 Feb, Sunday, 2.50 am..

Tension, tension, tension!
Reason?
No idea....
I'm sorry, my dear...

10 Feb, Monday, 11.37 pm..

For two days,
I've been so stressed for no reason..
I met Ash last night,
And I thought, it was him..
But turned out, he's not involved..
Plus, he kicked me out..
Damn it.. I hate him..
Anyway..
I was stressed for the whole day yesterday..
And I had no idea why..
I thought that I've done mistakes to her..
So, I apologised to her..
But still,
Nothing's different, still stressed..
Last night, you went to Kak Farah's room for a sleepover..
You told her something, and you cried a little bit..
I was kinda worried, not to mention that I'm still in tense..
I asked for your forgiveness that night,
While you were already asleep..
I was hoping that you will call me..
But,
It's not like we're having an official relationship, right?
Hmmm..
I did say that I don't wanna declare it..
Because I wanna declare it when we get married..
But I guess,
Hmmm..
I'll consider it later..
Anyway,
Today,
At around 5.45 am,
Something startled me,
Shocked me to death..
I woke up instantly,
Took a peek on my phone..
Nothing..
I called you,
Just wanna wake you up,
And perform Fajr prayer..
You didn't picked up..
I purposely called for 5 times,
Since 5 is your favourite number,
And you once told me,
When you're calling someone on phone,
You'll call until 5 times if he or she didn't picked up..
I still remember..
Well, as I was saying..
You didn't picked up..
So I texted you instead..
I was gonna call you "sweetheart" or "sayang" or somekind like that..
But my hand wrote "awk"..
Just "awk"..
And I just said "good morning"..
From that, I knew..
I'm still not okay..
I went back to sleep,
Thought that maybe,
Everything will be reseted and refreshed..
But turned out,
Hmmm..
Stress came back..
But I just ignored it..

I went to the lecture hall, as usual..
You texted me before that..
Strange..
Something wrong with you..
I could see it through the way you replied my messages..
Hmmm..
Made me worried..
Plus with the tense in my head,
And missing you in my heart..

I accompanied Faizal and my other friends having their lunch..
I was fasting..
Then I went to the Masjid alone..
All of a sudden,
I heard the Azan,
And it's my melody..
What the..??
But it's not that good..
Then, I noticed his voice..
Damn it..!
I really hate it..!
That's my melody..!
And I want to use it until that melody is well known by other generations..
Not by him!
Plus,
Nik told me that he used my melody once before,
During most of KMJ students were not around last Saturday..
It was during the Zohor..
Somehow,
Sad, stressed, longing for someone, worried, guilty and anger,
Were mixed together instantly..
I really hate that feeling..
And I really hate what he have done!
But come to think of it,
It's just the Azan..
Anyone can do it with any melody, including mine..
Still, I don't like it when he uses my Azan melody..
Because I made it myself,
With tears and joy,
With memories and repent,
And with The Almighty's guidance..
Hmmm..

I didn't had a good time during the Ko-K..
Didn't dance much..
After the class ended,
I went straight away to the squasy hall,
As you told me that you wanted to meet the whole family..
I slept for a while there,
And woke up when Khairul called me..
There was a JAPPIM meeting..
Then you came..
Ya Allah..
How I wish that I didn't wanna go to that meeting,
Because I didn't wanna break your heart..
But I had to..
Around 6.40 pm,
Turned out,
Just you, Achu and I..
No one was coming..

We went to the Cafe C..
I was so fatigue,
And still stressed for no reason..
Luckily,
I played Achu's handphone game..
So she didn't noticed that I was not okay..
I asked you to buy fried "kuey teow",
Cuz it was sweet and delicious..
You bought it for me once when we were just the two of us,
In front of the library,
You were expressing about how you feel towards your roommates..
Hmmm..
I still remember it, Alhamdulillah..
Anyway,
We break fast together,
I recited the prayer..
Then Achu handed me a drink,
For me to hand it to you..
But instead,
You took from his hand..
I was just,
....
I'm not mad..
Not even a bit..
But,...
Hmmmm...
Then,
I invited him to the Masjid, to perform Maghrib prayer..
I cried a little bit in my Solat..
Why?
I had no idea..
Hmmm..

We ate together by the,
...
I don't know what is that place called..
But it is located behind the library building..
I was about to sit right next to you..
When you already set my place to sit in front of you,
And,...
......
...Aryn sit next to you...
Another feeling striked me..
Offended..
But I've made my mind to sit next to you..
Then, you handed his chicken chop to him,
And I took mine by myself..
Plus, you said to him that,
You still remember his favourite dish..
Hmmm..
Again,
Offended..
But then,
Why should I offended?
I'm not her boyfriend or something..
She never deem me as her boyfriend..
Hmmm....

The fried "kuey teow" you bought,
It's not the same..
Too much chillies inside it,
Taste a quite strange,
And of course,
Too spicy..
Well, I had to eat it..
By hook or by crook,
I had to finish it..
It's from her,
And I really appreciate it..
Then you said,
You wanna trade the food..
I offered mine,
But you wanted the chicken chop..
.....
Well,
It's okay..
Besides,
It was too spicy for you..
Then Aryn talked about something that,...
....
I was almost going to throw up,
So I ran off,
And went to the pipe..
Washed my mouth,
And took a deep breath..
Then,
I throat itches..
Ugh..
This is what happened when I,..
Hmmm..
Went back to the table,
And ate some ices..
I asked you to study together,
Doing a tutorial..
But it seemed like,...
Hmmm..
Maybe, you're too exhausted..
Plus, you drank too much of milk,
And Aryn handed to you his drink..
Hmmmm.....
Am I jealous..?
But why should I?
It's not that you're officially my girlfriend,
Although,
I really wanted to ask you to be my girlfriend..
Hmmm..
I kept thinking about it,
Until everyone left me..

I went to the JPP room,
With 'stress' and 'worry' mood..
I was about to text you,
Then you texted me first..
You won't come for tonight..
...
Oh well,
What can I do..
Hmmm..
I told you, I'm in the room..

Achu texted me..
She told me that she, you and...
...
And Aryn,..
Were in the library..
I was stunned..
...okay...
...she didn't tell me anything...
Hmmm...
What's wrong with me?
Who am I to her?
Why she should tell me everywhere she goes?
Hmmmm....
Achu invited me to join you guys..
But I guess,
She didn't wanna see me..
Hmmm..
It's okay...

Achu hated this family already..
She told me..
I understand how she feels..
I'm sorry, Achu..
She missed the family too much..
What can I do..
Achu also told me that...
.....
........
...........
For two days....
I've been stressed,
Unstable,...
Get mad,
Felt those feelings that I really hate,...
........
Now I know,
What is the reason...
.............
No wonder.......
............
Tear drops.....
..............
I took a deep breath,
Calm myself down,
And continue my work.....

You came,
Ask me to study together..
I didn't say much,
And tried to act normal...
You told me your stories,
About you and your crazy roommates..
Quite funny though..
You gave me something,
Somekind of a sour food..
Aryn gave it to you..
He gave it because,......
You vomit...
He knew it first.....
And,
You didn't tell me.....
.......
Okay......
.......
Well....
Urmmm...
Hmmmm.........
..............
Then....
I took a peek on your phone..
I opened your Memo,
When I saw,,.......
.............
...............
..........4.12.41.17.......
..............
It was empty......
........
....
Although,,....
...........
Those symbols and numbers,
Were meant just for the two of us.....
.....................
..........................
It's okay...........
.............
You can use it.......
You have the right........
...........
Achu's right...
You do miss him....
No wonder I felt,
Someone that I missed,
Doesn't missed me back.....
I didn't know that I can feel that......
For two days I've been like this,
And only now, I knew the answer..
..............
It's not your fault....
I can't blame you for missing him.....
But.......
Hmm.........
Who am I to you....?
Hmmmm.......
I'm not jealous....
Well, actually I do..
But I'm more too worried.....
Truthfully,,
I don't trust him anymore,
And I can't reunite the family back the way it was...
Because of his mistakes....
It's too risky...
I never trust that he will change.....
Hmmm...
My heart now is too firm and hard towards him...
No one can break it....
Not even me......
Apart from that,,
I just,.....
...........
Nur........
.................
Please.....
I'm begging you.....
............
Don't get,,.....
...............
..................
First drop of tear on my new phone......
Huhuu......
..............
I miss you.......
I love you, Nur.....
I don't want anything happened to you again....
.....
Just....
.........
Ya Allah.....
......
............
....
...........
......
.........
...........
.....
Ya Allah.......
......
...........
Allah......
........
...........
.......Ya Allah.........
............
..............
...aku banyak brdosa dnganMu, Ya Allah....
...Engkau timpa aku dngan ujian sbgini, Ya Allah....
..tiada siapa yg dpat aku mngadu ksakitan aku dlam mnghadapi dgaan ini,
...mlainkan dari Kau juga Ya Allah......
...Ya Allah......
...aku mohon pdaMu....
Ampunkan dosa aku.....
Aku sdar...
Aku bkanlah hambaMu yg baik....
Bukanlah hambaMu yg taat....
Bukanlah hambaMu yg soleh.....
Tapi jjur aku brsuara,,ya Allah....
Hati aku....
HATI aku msih stia pdaMu Ya Allah....
ALLAH.....
ALLAH..........
Allah................
Maafkanlah aku ya Allah.......
....ya Allah....
Aku mohon pdaMu.....
Tdak prnah aku mletakkan mna2 nma muslimat dlam doaku mlainkan ibuku, Ya Allah....
Krana tiada gdis yg dpt mnggantikan ibuku untuk mnjgaku....
Ya Allah....
Dialah yg prtama dlam hdupku,yg aku sbut dlam doaku...
Dialah Nur Fateen...
Dialah Nur....
Dia lah cahaya, ya Allah.....
Aku mohon pdaMu.....
Jika dia bnar2 jdohku,....
Pliharalah kmi dri prbuatn yg keji
Jauhkanl kami dri api NerakaMu,
Dan prmudahknlah urusan kami, Ya Allah....
Namun....
................
..............
Jika dia bukan untukku,,....
.....
Aku mhon,......
....jgalah dia......
....pliharalah dia.....
Spaya dia sntiasa brade di dlm Nur Mu ya Allah.....
.................
Aku mohon.......
Ampunkan dosaku.......
Prknanknlah doaku.........
Jgalah hambaMu yg ku cintai itu.....
.....jika.......
.......................
.....kurniakanlah dia kbahgiaan.....
.............
.......wlaupun trpksa brtukar ganti....dgn nyawaku sndri, Ya Allah................
.............
Allah.......
Allah..........
Allah.............
Allah........
.....Allah...........

11 Feb, Tuesday, 9.09 am..

I really miss her...
But she didn't miss me..
.........
That's fine...
I guess,
I'm not gonna disturb for quite some time..
I'll keep silent from you...
If you want to meet me,
I'll come..
But I'll not text you any messages,
Until you text me,
And you miss me...
If that makes you happy,
I'll be happy..
..................
I will..........
I miss you,
Each and every second in my lifetime........
Hmmm.........

10.03 am..

You're wearing green today...
I'm about to text you,
That you're green today..
But...
Hmmm...
........
............
How I wish......
...........
....i miss you......

12 Feb, Wednesday, 4.20 pm..

A hot, stressful day I've been through..
4 days in a row,
Non stop stressed..
Only today,
I'm more to dissapointed or sad..
Maybe it was the dream last night..
You went back to him and dumped me..
Or maybe about our last night's last conversation..
What was I thinking...
Hmmm...
She still love him...
I don't know why,
But I,...
Hmmmm...
I text nothing to you this morning..
And kinda hungry..
Since I didn't eat for the whole day yesterday...
I just ate some biscuits and sweets...
Same goes for today..
I did have my lunch..
But I think, that's more than enough for today...
I lost my appetite...
Plus,
My wallet's empty...
Hmmm...
It's been so long since I cried during Azan...
And today,
During Zohor,
I did it again..
Only this time,
With different melody...
Hmmmm....
Ya Allah.. Forgive me...
Ease my heart, Ya Allah...
Hmmm...
By the way,
Thank you for the information you've told me..
But you don't have to keep it as a secret...
If he wants to meet you,
Why it has to be a secret?
It's not like I'll forbid him to see you...
But I have to know his and your movement,
To make sure that you're secure...
Hmmm...
I didn't expect to see you by the lake, hmmm....
Looks like you miss him too much...
And he misses you, for sure...
But, hmmmm...
He's a dangerous man, Nur...
Hmmmm....
Irfan told me recently,
He really mad at you for being close to Aryn...
Faizal agreed....
You're a stubborn girl, I know..
But please,
Appreciate what my friends have done to you when you were in trauma....
They told you to stay away from Aryn, didn't they?
Hmmmmm.....
It's Asar now....
............

16 Feb, Sunday, 3.25 am...

I can't sleep..
I missed you too much...
But..
Do you miss me?
Hmmm........

Yes!! But don't ever hope that i will tell u f2f

22 Feb, 1.23 pm, Saturday..

What an exhausting morning..
Sweats and smells..
Fuuh..

It's been like almost 5 days,
I didn't write anything..
Well,
There's another unforgettable day..
What a coincidence!
Pink on a same day!
18 February 2014..
My second most unforgettable moment..

After I took my bath,
And went to my locker,
"Hmmm...Today, I'll wear my old shirt, but which one..?"
I checked on the lecture table,
"Okay, line clear.. I'll wear my pink shirt.."

Quite strange..
For the whole morning,
We didn't text much..
I texted you that morning,
And you didn't reply it..
Fine by me though..
But we were just 'Whatsapp'ing,
I sent you a nasyid song,
"Kasih Kekasih" by In-Team
And I didn't know it is your favourite since primary school..
Hmm..
Just a small coincidence..

During Zohor,
I thought I wanna meet you,
But,
I just didn't know why..
It's like something blocked my intension..
I texted you again during Zohor,
Asking where were you doing..
"Nothing.." @ "Nggak papa.."
Hehehe..
Indonesian talk..
Then I sent you another song,
"Sesungguhnya" by Raihan..
You said once to me that you liked the song,
But you didn't know the song and its lyrics..
That's why I sent it,
Song and lyric..
Anyway,
That was our only conversation..
And I just continued my day as usual..
Seriously, it's quite awkward and strange..

After the class,
I was left alone in a tutorial room..
Then you 'Whatsapp'ed me,
Told me that you were in the library..
And you invited me to go there, doing works together..

So I went there,
Walked into the library..
At first,
Honestly, I didn't see you there..
I was looking at a girl next to you at that time..
I thought, it was you,
Because you always sit at that table
But maybe, my eyes were kinda blurred at that time,
Besides, she's kinda big and tall..
Then, my eyes moved to the next table..
And that,..
That is the coincident..
You wore a PINK dress!
I stopped my steps, shocked..

6 March, Thursday, 10.37 a.m.

I'm in the lecture hall right now..
Computer Science lecture..
Out of a sudden,
I'm thinking about this moment..
The moment you hold my hand,
When we were at the DKK..
I still remember how it feels..
Soft,
Warm,
Calm..
If only I can,
Hmmm..
Naah..
I just need to be patient..

Came to my thought..
About last night..

18 March, 5.42p.m..

Close, right?
Hmmm...
About 8 days left...
Hmmm...
She's mad at me..
Everything goes bad this month..
I'm sorry,
For what I've said last night..
Just done from dancing..
Express my sadness..
Or guiltiness..
I'm sorry..
I'm so sorry..

27 March, Thursday, 1.09 p.m..

Yup..
It's done..
There goes my birthday..
Best birthday yet..
A surprise attack,
Celebrate with friends,
And a surprise attack and celebration with my beloved soulmate, for the first time..
Presents?
Best present yet..
A couple keychain,
A watch,
Birthday cake,
And 3 small letters from you..

#1..
I woke up after Isyak,
When you called me,
Asked me to accompany you to the DSL..
A grand PRD annual dinner..
You were so beautiful..!
Really different..
And you didn't wear a lot of make-up on your face,
Just the way I like..
Anyway,
I sent you to the front door,
When they took our pictures...

K154H K4M1

He's watching me!

Tuesday 30 June 2015

Pain Without You

Monday 29 June 2015

A Day Without You

Sunday 28 June 2015

Memories (451241)